'A widow's story' by Joyce Carol Oates

I loved ‘‘A widow’s story’ by Joyce Carol Oates. It’s fascinating. Sad. Gripping. Insightful. The idea of ‘many selves many voices’ comes to life in this book.

Joyce Carol Oates’ husband of 47 years dies unexpectedly. She is in utter shock. Disbelief – and guilt – she decided to bring him to the hospital where he contracted the secondary infection that killed him. She is guilty, that he was in the hospital, that he died alone while she was frantically driving to the hospital.

The author has different personas. She is the wife. The widow. She is Joyce Carol Oates, the author, and Joyce Smith, wife of Raymond Smith.

The effects of grief. The onslaught of sympathy and her inability to deal with it – with the amounts of food piling up in the kitchen, the flowers, the sympathy cards, the cats that don’t know how to deal with the absence of the husband and her unusual behaviour.

Her identity is tied to being a wife. To being loved. To talk to her husband, to come home to her husband, to discuss daily events and work with her husband. There are things that her husband always does, and she now needs to find out how to do. His books lying beside the bed, his clothes in the cupboard. The author takes us into her shocked mind, into the various techniques she applies to keep going.

She continues to teach, to attend events, yet she is exasperated by demands sent to her – she is incapable of opening, let alone responding to mail. Incensed by the requests for endorsements and reviews of other books. Her behaviour is erratic, she retreats to a nest she created in the bed.

The book ends when she meets the man who becomes her second husband, a year after Raymond’s death. I wondered – how can you replace the man that was part of your life for nearly 5 decades, and marry another?

After reading the book I understand– the loss of identity, the unwillingness to face life alone, the need to love, and be loved, and the opportunity to create a new, a different life. The author’s dislike of the reality of ‘the widow’ is palpable; a new marriage restores the identity of ‘the wife’ which is so much more familiar, comfortable, loved and loving.

Love the writing. The details. The insight into actions and thoughts. A fabulous read; highly recommended.