'Everything I never told you' by Celeste Ng

Voted book of the year by Amazon in 2014 - I listened to the audiobook of ‘Everything I never told you’ by Celeste Ng when it appeared on my book club reading list.

Wow. What a story. Racism and toxic family life. It is not clear who the ‘I’ of the title relates to, as there is no first person narrative in the book. This family of five, Chinese father James, blonde American mother Marilyn, children Nathan, Lydia and Hannah. The book opens with the statement that Lydia is dead, and moves from there back to the parents’ story and how they met in the late 1950s, back to before Lydia died, and the search for answers following her death. Was it murder? Was it suicide? It quickly becomes obvious that the view the parents have of their daughter is far from Lydia’s reality. Deeply traumatised by her mother’s disappearance for 10 weeks when she was only five Lydia is determined to please her mother to ensure that she’ll never disappear again.

Nobody in this family talks; life is not as it seems. Listening to the book I ached for all of those children – and yes, for the parents too. The Chinese father who just wants to fit in. The American mother who gave up her dream of becoming a doctor when she fell pregnant. The son Nathan, who excels, but is ignored as all attention is on Lydia, the blue eyed daughter, who, for her mother, must be a doctor, and for her father, needs to be socially accepted with lots of friends. Lydia’s desire to comply leads to her disappearance, summarised in an argument with a friend who states ‘at least I know who I am’ – something that Lydia does not know. Lydia is under relentless pressure that is as difficult to witness as the neglect of the other two children. Nathan who dreams of hard boiled eggs, yet the mother refuses to cook and raises the family on frozen meals. Hannah, who spends a lot of time hiding under the table, is forgotten to the extend that Marilyn only remembers her existence when Hannah turns up to the dinner table that is set for only four people.  

The bond between Nathan and Lydia is strong; he protects her on bus rides and at school lunches, yet is increasingly looking forward to leave the claustrophobic family reality.

The reviewers statement “Ng brilliantly depicts the destruction that parents can inflict on their children and on each other.” is apt. It’s painful. It’s riveting. It’s incredibly well written; listening to the minute detail in which Ng captures a scene is a treat. It’s revealing in its portrayal of racism, in its portrayal how fitting in is so difficult when you’re visibly different. Challenging but highly recommended.