'The Mirror Book' by Charlotte Grimshaw
‘The Mirror Book’ by Charlotte Grimshaw
What a memoir – an insight into one of the most famous literary families in New Zealand. The father, CK (Karl) Stead, the daughter Charlotte Grimshaw. Both independently famous, winners of important literary awards, until recently a united front in telling the family stories.
A highly discussed book – I’ll add a list of reviews at the end; there are too many to scatter throughout my personal impression.
Yes. I loved the book. I was rather critical at the beginning – the first part read like a first draft. ‘Raw’ it’s been called. Creative writing 101 lessons, ‘show don’t tell’, seemed not adhered to. The author told us her impressions, her version of the story, in a manner I could not see. Her nature descriptions are beautiful and take me into the place. Her characterisations – not so much. As reader I can’t create an image – of the inside of the house. Of the people who live in it. Her siblings only pop up occasionally, they are not fully formed characters. Of the dynamics, and the scenes – while she writes ‘Karl flew into a rage’ – what does a rage look like? Raised voice? Flapping arms?
Another grumble are references to and quotations of books and reviews. I am not familiar with books the author refers to, I can’t relate to entire sections where she dissects and quotes passages from her own and her father’s books.
She writes about the dedication to and love for her parents, but positive events are rare. I’m well familiar with negativity bias caused by trauma, but reading about the abandonment and neglect those kids experienced I need a few positive experiences that make the love and dedication comprehensible.
Enough grumbles. Especially the second part of the book kept me glued to my chair; I only got out of that armchair to make a fresh cup of tea; I could not go to bed before finishing the last page.
That’s an experience shared by all I know who’ve read the book; 320 pages absorbed in one, maybe two sittings. I’m intending to read it again; this time slower, with more room for contemplation. To simultaneously reflect on the content of various reviews.
Louise O’Brien asked in her Radio New Zealand review ‘Is it a book? Or is it a grenade? … It’s like eaves dropping on a private therapy session. … I found it an excruciating read.’ Is it not one reason for literature, to expose painful, excruciating realities that raise awareness and understanding in readers?
O’Brien’s comment ‘I don’t want to be the subject of this kind of scrutiny, either as a mother or a daughter’ summarises the difference between Charlotte Grimshaw and her father. CK Stead is brilliant at scrutinising other people and their work, and ruthless in his criticism. Yet, he fails to ever scrutinise himself, his work, his actions – in his memoir he quotes good reviews and ignores unfavourable ones. The difference between CK Stead and Charlotte Grimshaw is described in this review aptly titled ‘The Gospel of CK Stead’
It’s exactly Charlotte Grimshaw’s ability to question and scrutinise herself that makes The Mirrorbook such a fascinating read.
The book portrays abandonment, neglect and abuse; several situations are illegal. It’s illegal to leave a child under the age of 14 unsupervised – not to mention sending children to the back paddock for camping, or into the bush for ‘an adventure’ at the age of ???. To leave them alone for hours in a strange city of London. The shiny façade of the happy literary family is irrevocably dismantled. Instead we are shown fear and anxiety the child had no way to express, and, even worse, wasn’t allowed to feel.
Gaslighting is a new term, yet the reality, telling a child how to feel, to feed them a version of truth that fits with the adults’ comfort level and life choices while ignoring the child’s emotional reality is not new. Nor is the reality of a narcissistic powerful father and a mother devoted, maybe weak, supporting her man whatever he’s doing.
I read the reviews
Emma Espiner in The Spinoff ‘A life rewritten’
Simon Sweetman in Off the Tracks
Philip Temple in Landfall online
And listened to Charlotte Grimshaw talking about her book
Charlotte Grimshaw on newstalkzb
The book portrays generational difference. Once upon a time it was the woman’s role to support her man, unquestioningly; to put up with his foibles and cruelties as they were all part of the ‘genius’. In this respect CK Stead is a man of his generation, and his wife Kay is no exception in her devotion to her man, even if that means hurting or abandoning her children.
Philip Temple is another man of that era, and like CK Stead I’ve been instinctively repelled by their appearances (at writers’ festivals) and appalled by their opinions. It’s telling that Philip Temple’s review is titled ‘Her father’s daughter’ – ‘This is a memoir from the daughter of someone …’ and with that opening he’s casually disregarding Charlotte Grimshaw’s own literary credentials. For a man like Philip Temple she’ll first and foremost always be ‘the daughter of …’ – the entire first paragraph of his review of The Mirrorbook is dedicated to CK Stead and his achievements.
Simon Sweetman feels sorry for CK and Kay Stead; he goes as far as calling The Mirrorbook ‘Literary elder abuse’. In his review he dismisses Charlotte’s recounting of events as ‘normal’; admitting ‘They don’t always sound like great parents.’ while at the same time ‘it’s clear Charlotte has dug deep into the ‘bad’ memories and glosses over the no doubt many great ones.’
He writes ‘I very quickly felt so sorry for the two ugly old ogres’. He seems to envy trips to Europe and other travel, without awareness that for a young child emotional safety is more important than being in places seen as exciting from an adult perspective. He calls Charlotte Grimshaw ‘disingenuous and deluded’ – a personal attack on a writer that, in my mind, has no place in a book review.
I hope that the Mirror book is only the first volume of Charlotte Grimshaw’s memoir. Charlotte’s scrutiny and analysis to reflect on the generational transfer of emotional unawareness, pointed towards her reality as partner and mother would be a highly anticipated second volume. Her marriage’s challenges, the reason why she started her journey into her childhood, are her story. How did her upbringing affect her actions and emotional connections, with her husband, with women or rather their absence. That’s a fascinating story I’m looking forward to reading. In the meantime I highly recommend The Mirrorbook.