'The Slowworm's Song' by Andrew Miller

‘The slowworm’s song’ by Andrew Miller kept me company while in bed, felled by Covid 19 with no energy to chase the cat off the bed, nor the energy to pick another book off the pile once I started reading this one.

It’s a book about guilt, sorrow, love, grief, redemption. The story of an ex soldier, ex alcoholic, who tries to survive his overbearing guilt. The guilt about an incident in his solder days, the guilt about missing his daughter’s childhood, the guilt about his choices and how they affected others.

Why did this young man join the army? His father and grandfather were Quakers and suffered for their pacifist ways in the First and Second World War. The determination of the teenager to do something different, yet without much understanding of what it is he will do. Yet, he’s drawn into the relentless training the young men go through, the relief that’s found within the structure, the absence of thought.

‘The Slowworm’s Song’ is written as a letter to his daughter, to explain to her what happened, to share what seemingly small and random details shaped his life.

The writing is exquisite. The descriptions are detailed and appeal to the senses. A paragraph beginning ‘I beat the rain’ follows the rain drops, the first, the second, and another. The sound of rain drops. The weight. The effects on grave stones leaves and birds, and on him.

The main character is tormented, and shares his torment in simple sentences.

‘I thought of baking bread, took out the flour and the scales but got no further. I put on the radio. It was music but the wrong sort and I turned it off. I was thinking of Dad as bones. Did the mower make them vibrate? Does the rain?’

I enjoyed the detail. to follow his thoughts, how they meandered and wandered. Death seems a close companion. H observes his body’s peculiarities, the effect of trauma and decades of alcohol abuse. Ponders that what he observes might be a sign of his impending death, and does it matter?

A thought provoking if not an easy book; I’ll look out for others by this author.