11 April 2020, A game

A game Sophia Paskell

Life is a game that most don’t even know they are playing.

Here is your character.

You are Sophia.

She is this and that.

And then you play it out.

You believe it is real so you play with fierce seriousness and absolute conviction.

"I am this!" I declare.

I am a girl

I am a good girl

I am not a good house keeper

I am merely a solo mother, and that means this... or that...

I don’t eat eggs, Im not musical, I hate my father, no-one understands me, I can’t draw, 

AND I don’t like tomatoes AND my fingers are too short to play the guitar...

You believe all of it, you believe it is real. 

You play the Game of Limitation.

I remember the first time I noticed I was playing this game.

I was a teenager. My mother and I had had an intense yelling fight. About what I cannot remember and that is so irrelevant now...

I had walked out the door in a rage. She followed me and said "Come back here right now!"

I heard the command. I knew the game. Obey your mother.

But my legs didn’t stop. I watched them keep walking! I was amazed!

"GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" she yelled.  And I saw my legs still walking.

I began to laugh! What a silly game! 

I was the daughter and she was the mother, although we shared roles as often as one would share lunch. 

I walked to freedom. I didn’t know where I was going but I was not afraid.

That’s the old game. I used to play. With all of my heart.

I play a new game now. It’s an odd play to be. My family say "Come and Play!". And part of me wants to . I want to be with them. But I don’t know the rules anymore. I don’t understand the game anymore. 

I want to play for joy, for fun. 

Not for agendas, not for control, not for lies. 

I want to play for truth.

And as always, I play with my whole heart.